The Daily Bloon

Being an adolescent boy, it is rare and shocking thing for me to come up with discoveries, ideas, and new dawnings of thought. However, several fleeting ideas crossed my mind during Spring Break while skiing or snowboarding down wonderful snow-frosted mountains. I’ve done my best to collect the highlights of these notions here, several days after my return.

Suggestion: No playing footsie on the ski lifts.

 ’Nuff said about that one, I believe.

Idea: Picking up chicks at casinos is a bad idea, especially if you’re underage.

Imagine the conversation going like this:

You: “You know baby, we don’t even need all this neon to light up the night; your beautiful face does that for me on its own.”

Her: “That’s sweet. What’s your name?”

You: “I’m Stanfred. What grade you in?”

Her: “I’m 40.”

You: “WOAH! But you have the face and bust of a 17 year-old!”

Her: “Oh, don’t worry. They are the face and bust of a 17 year-old.”

 Watch out for that. You could end up dating someone older than your mother. Ah, the wonders that surgery can do these days.

Observation: Those “silly” helmet add-ons? Really not that funny.

Nothing screams “attention whore” like silly ski hats. Yeah, they’re really funny. I bet they’d be funny when found on your crippled body found “accidentally” crashed into a tree. Absolutely hilarious.

 About all I could come up with this time around. I might get some more towards the end of the week, after the effects of falling on my head have worn off. Damn snowboarding.

“Dude, the snow is falling like my respect for our country, its leader, and the general governing body!”

“So it peaked when you were young and ignorant around age 5, then slowly descended as you learned more and more about it until finally plateau-ing at the bottom, and has stayed that way since?”

“….Well, I really just meant that the snow was coming down outside, but I suppose that is more accurate.”