Wow. I’m writing a review for the final Star Wars movie. I feel powerful, somehow.
Title: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Genre (Movie): Sci-fi
Description: The last Star Wars movie that unwittingly emphasizes everything that the Star Wars movies have ever stood for.
Quickrating: 6/10
I write this review with the full knowledge that no matter what I say, no matter how low or how high I rate this movie, it will not change people’s minds about seeing it or not. If you don’t want to see the Star Wars movies, then you have no soul. The rest of us will see it, no matter how bad it is, and well they should, for it is the movie ending a cinematic legend. The Star Wars movies are a part of American culture, nay, part of the world’s culture, and they shall forever be remembered, even hundreds of years in the future, as “those movies with the cool laser-swords and the gay British robot”.
Even though I saw the movie several weeks ago, the inspiration for this review came from seeing the first three Star Wars movies made–that is, Episodes IV through VI–with a more mature and appreciative mind. By re-watching the classics and examining the new episodes, I have come to the conclusion that despite the cinematic accolades dumped upon their memories, the Star Wars movies have consistently help up one credo: an enthralling story and spectacular special effects. Screw everything else. And Ep. III: ROTS embodies this credo wholeheartedly.
None of the acting in any of the movies has ever been top notch. Mark Hamill, who played Luke Skywalker in Ep. IV through VI, was decent, but certainly not award-winning. In fact, one can find that the characteristics of the main characters in the Star Wars films has always been the same: ambitious, whiny, and predictable. And all second-tier actors, may I add. ROTS not only follows this path, but paves it, lengthens it, and plants nice little flower arrangements alongside it.
Hayden Christensen is the worst actor I have ever seen on any stage, television, or cinema. He has no feeling, no energy, and no other emotion besides one that can only be described as a whiny, nasal, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.” I don’t care that he’s “cute” or “hot” or “stirs my loins” (one of the more interesting comments). I was hoping that after Ep. II that Lucas would find a new Anakin or get Christensen some lessons or something. Unfortunately, neither or these things happened, and the only thing I can say in Christensen’s defense is that he does make a very good evil guy. But only when he doesn’t talk.
Which brings me to my next point: the scriptwriting in ROTS is the most cliche, trite, and utterly lame dialogue I’ve heard since rewatching some Saturday-morning cartoons that were classic whenI was a kid. From the could-choke-a-Teletubby-with-gushy-talk romantic dialogue to the classic, “NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!”, the dialogue in this movie just flat-out sucks.
Oh, but the story is great. Wonderful twists, lots of things explained that you didn’t even know you had questions about, and cameos (which I actually didn’t like…but apparently everyone else did. So, hey, why not?) show why Lucas ever got these movies off the ground. And of course, the special effects are great, varying from aliens to spacefights to those laser-swords I mentioned earlier. And there were some actors who did a very good job in their roles, notably Obi-Wan, Emperor Palpatine, and Yoda (Frank Oz is my hero). I maintain that Natalie Portman did a good job with what she was given, and it was merely the absolutely godforsaken lines that she was given that made her part seem less-than-stellar. So sure, the movie has good things about it, great fights, great villians, but also more than a handful of plot holes and my long list of complaints that I did my best to fit into this review. In closing, I think that this movie in particular is like a battle droid: pretty cool lookin’, shoots nice, and comes with several others, but can be cut down and beaten up by even the short, blue accomplice of that gay British robot. Which is actually a much deeper analogy than it sounds.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”–Darth Vader
You forget to mention the fact that Natalie Portman’s acting was absolutely atrocius. You say she did a good job with what she was given? I wonder how on earth you could say that. I would say it deserves a six. Now review Batman Begins. I expect nothing short of a 9.3.
I gave it a six. Pay attention. As for her acting, it was fine. But one would think that she would’ve spoke up about her terrible lines. I mean, really, how well can you play, “Who are you? I don’t know you anymore, Anakin!” At that point, it’s not even a matter of acting skill, but of sneaking-into-the-scriptroom-at-night-and-making-some-adjustments skill. So suffice it to say that Natalie Portman is simply an awful theif.
…I still need to see this. This is getting sad. Heh.
Nice review
OT: Have you seen War of the Worlds? I recommend seeing it again. It was terrific, better than Batman Begins.
Awesome job! One small edit I would put forth… For your final quote why not use the great line:
“Our love can’t save you anymore Padme, only my new special powers can!”
~Anakin