The Daily Bloon

A review on a concert? What ho?!?! Pretty awesome cool, if you ask me.

Though methinks I’ll just skip over my nifty little quickrating section. It just wouldn’t work out.

So, for those of you who are st00pid, I managed to mooch my way to an Aerosmith concert that occured on Monday, January 23, 2006. And it was awesome.

It started out with Lenny Kravitz, who you may know for radio hits such as “Fly Away”, “Where Are We Runnin’”, and a nifty cover of “American Woman” (originally by The Who). You might also know him for being the black Jewish man. I say “the”, because I’m pretty sure he’s the only one. Or maybe one of like…five. That’s enough to use the word “the”, if you ask me. Mr. Kravitz put on quite an entertaining show, complete with dancing about the stage, giving tribute to his back-up band, and playing all his nifty songs and several others that I think absolutely nobody cared about. Unfortunately, Mr. Kravitz had the flu or some such thing that was messing with his throat. You could tell, if you listened carefully, that he was holding back on his singing. However, he admitted his throat problem to the audience, but adamantly remained up there, his words being something to the effect of, “I have something that’s messing with my throat, but I’m gonna stay up here singing ’til I don’t have a throat no mo’.” Ah, I love black people.

While Lenny Kravitz’s performance was good and enjoyable, it left me completely unprepared for the great, awesome, awesomeness that would be Aerosmith. Picture this:
Dark stage. No lights. The intermission has lasted a good while, allowing you plenty of time to go and buy t-shirts and other various articles of clothing *cough*thongs*cough*. Suddenly, a piercing light reveals, from the back, the silhouettes of 5 men. But not just any ordinary men. Rockers. You can sense it. They were born to rock.

The Aerosmith concert was amazing. They played a full variety of songs, with everything from “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” to “Back in the Saddle” (Best. Encore. Ever). They played most of their hits, including “Walk This Way” and “Dream On”. Curiously missing from the set, however, were the hits “Ragdoll”, “Jaded” (a newer song, admittedly, but still a hit), and, most curiously of all, “Jamie’s Got a Gun”, one of their most successful songs ever. In their places were many songs which even my extremely Aerosmith-knowledgeable companion did not know. Whether the concert was made better or worse by this replacement is a hard call. On one hand, we got to hear a different selection of music, all of which was certainly good. On the other hand, the crowd was so loud and the acoustics were such that you couldn’t really make out what they were saying unless you already knew the words, therefore making the new songs completely lost on everyone.

The show they put on, however, was astounding. Steven Tyler lives for that stage. The crazy dancing and completely ridiculous actions performed by Tyler were things only a rock star could pull off, and indeed, Steven Tyler pulled them off magnificently. Also surprisingly awesome was the lead guitarist, who performed one of the most memorable feats I have ever seen–taking off his shirt and proceeding to whip his guitar with it, at the same time playing clearly and in time with the song. Unbelievably cool.

The lighting effects and et cetera were quite good, too. Nothing truly crazy, since the arena-like setup of the Toyota Center placed audience members all around the stage, disallowing crazy lazer spectaculars, but still allowing very nice lighting effects and interesting displays on lit up “curtains”. Well done, indeed.

And now for the bad parts of the concert.
Three words for you: $35 per shirt.
That, my friends, is phucking redonkulous.
I was figuring $25 was a perfect preposterous price for a concert t-shirt. Possibly even $30, if it was a really nice shirt. But no. Thirty-five freaking dollars per shirt. And the sad part? I bought two. Yes, that’s right, two shirts.
What’s even more redonkulous? The thongs were only $15. I should have bought 2 or 3 thongs and worn them as a tight and revealing top. Oh, those young’uns and their midriffs.

But other than that, this concert kicked ass. There’s something new rock will never be able to take away from good rock, and that’s amazing concerts. Just follow The Bloon Blade’s three steps to rock concert awesomeness:
1. Bring a lighter. Don’t be a pansy and use a cell phone like all the other losers. Lighters are better.
2. Come with a group of friends. No matter how cool your parents are, they can’t head bang properly like us teenagers can.
3. Bring money. Lots of money. Unless, of course, you wear thongs, in which case, bring see-thru shorts.

\m/

Lenny Kravitz: “And my drummer here, a lovely lady named…what’s that?…this guy here is trying to give my drummer his number. *looks back at drummer* Man….I don’t think you could handle her…”–Lenny Kravitz