The Daily Bloon

My God, it’s been ages since I’ve done one of these. I blame lifeguarding. It’s all it’s fault! My schedule is all…dead. And full of sun, chlorine, and silly children who don’t leave the pool when nobody else is there, there’s not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is beating down on your skin like the FCC on Howard Stern.

Woo, analogies.

Title: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Genre (Movie): Action/Comedy
Description: Truly a hidden gem of a movie with a plotline so wonderfully fluid and jokes so cleverly quick that you’ll not believe your eyes.
Quickrating: 9/10
-Digg this review-

Woah. A nine out of ten? That seems rash, Bloon Blade. You better make me a believer somehow, since I’ve never even heard of this movie. What kind of artsy freaks do you hang out with, anyway? “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”? Sounds like it’s one letter away from being a full-cast porno.
…Because that’s what makes it artsy.

So yeah, a few of you may have heard of this the way I did, which was several months ago in the movie theater ads. You know, the ones that you spend dropping popcorn kernels in the hair of the couple making out in the seats in front of you.
Hehehe. Try combing out those Sour Patch Kids, lady. Those suckers stick.
Anyway, it looked good then. The ad showed a few interesting scenes with quick laughs woven in. Plus, it had Val Kilmer in it, and we all know the kinds of cinematic masterpieces that man partakes in. And by “cinematic masterpieces”, I mean “one of the worst movies ever created ever in all time ever“. But it was interesting to see him in the role of a gay private eye, so it had promise. Unfortunately, with only those few ads that I saw at the theaters, I forgot about it and it faded away into the dark recesses of my memory, hanging out with such forgotten things like “calling that one chick” and “French”.

However, two days ago I was searching for a good movie at Blockbuster, and lo and behold, I rediscover Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And I was, indeed, “blown away”. Teehee, bad puns.

I will now attempt to do a preliminary plot summary: This movie is about an actor who auditions for the role of a private eye in a movie and tags along with a real private eye to improve his acting. Except he’s not really an actor, he’s a theif who accidentally ran into the auditioning room after a police chase and got lucky. But kind of. He used to be a magician.
It sounds predictable, right? Obviously they’re going to stumble across a doozy of a crime that will involve the actor and he’ll have to solve it with the private eye and he’ll probably find a girl and try and convince her that he’s a real private eye and they’ll fall in love. And yes, that’s more or less true.
But that all happens in the first 10 or so minutes of the movie. After that, it’s anybody’s guess as to what happens. The plotline moves like me on the dancefloor. That is, incredibly stylish, smooth, and all-ova-da-place. And that’s a good thing.

Within a good, randomly selected 15 minutes of the movie, it’s probably safe to guess that prime suspects, the relationship between the gal and the actor, and the living/dead status of the characters in the movie will all change at least twice, more likely three or four times. It’s incredible how fast-paced this movie is. But it’s not crazy to the point where you lose track of what’s going on, because the movie reminds you with 2-second flashbacks when something has developed from something else. It’s a very simple system that’s not new or original, but works like a toothbrush on a dog-doo’d shoe. (My, I’m on a roll tonight)

The jokes are quick and witty, with few one-liners but lots of things relating to the plot. A good example of the kind of humor I’m talking about is the movie Wedding Crashers, which had little to no one-liners that someone who had not seen the movie could appreciate. But the characters are almost jokes in and of themselves, with Gay Perry making all sorts of lightning-fast quips and the main character, Harry, making all kinds of bumbling errors. The characters are wonderful blends of emotions, very well crafted and very realistic. The situations that they are thrown in are anything but commonplace, but seeing how these realistic people react to them certainly makes for a fun little personality test that you can follow if you dig that kind of thing.

Nothing to complain about in the acting department; these guys do a fantastic job on the screen. Robert Downey Jr. really earns his main character role in this one. Val Kilmer, much improved since his Batman days, plays a quirky character that adds to the general gritty feel of the movie, and Michelle Monaghan is absolutely blazing hot in this one. Oh, and her acting’s good, too.

The film definitely earns its R-rating, though, with shootings, a tad bit of blood, a fair amount of dropping-the-F-bomb, and a good number of nipples, as it were. But it’s all in moderation, with even the nipples taking up very little of the screen when they do, in fact, appear in all their glory. It’s not something so embarassing that your parents will scream and turn it off. I watched it with my parentals, so I think other parents might be willing to let some tits and naughty words slide by, too.

This is really one of those hidden wonders of Hollywood, and I highly suggest it to anyone who is willing to look. The DVD specials are sparse, with only commentary, theatrical trailer, and a gag reel, so I don’t think I would buy it, but it’s definitely worth a rental. I hope that I can convince other people to check this one out, because it would be a shame if it just passed the public by.

–”Do you know what you’d find if you looked in the dictionary next to ‘idiot’?”
–”A picture of me?”
–”No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’. Which you are.”