The Daily Bloon

Now we all hate this great evil that invades your phone lines during dinner time… But just sometimes you have to be nice to them… Just kidding. Here are the 19 top ways to mess with these demons……

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died…”

3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, as them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people
work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?,
kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about
their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is
Judy and I’m with XYZ Company…” You: Wait for a second and with a
real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”

5. Cry out in surprise, “Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
terror as she tries to figure out where she could possibly know you
from.

6. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If the company calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family
and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t
have any friends… would you be my friend?”

8. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give
your credit card number to a complete stranger.

9. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they
often can’t sell to employees.

10. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set
the receiver down, shout or scream, “Oh my God!!!” and then hang up.

11. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her
back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give
out their HOME numbers you say “I guess you don’t want anyone
bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you
say, “Me, either, now you know how it feels!”

12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

13. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put
them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

14. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if
they could bring you some beer.

15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

16. Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I will listen to you. But I should
probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
“Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…
louder… louder…louder…

19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down