Grinding for N00Bs

I was over at Sigg3’s Blog today, checking out his latest posts and lo’and’behold there was a link to a forum post about grinding. Of course, that was the first thing I clicked on. Here it is for those who be curious: Click me

Also, I would like to feature a reply to the poor and noobish guy’s origional question (what is grinding?):

It’s all about the hip movement. If you can’t get the hip movement correct, then you can never be a good grinder! Note the males and females should move their hips differently. The female should move her hips in a circular manner. The axis of this circle should be front-back: that is, with the circle facing the male. Meanwhile the male should move his hips in a crosswise circular manner with the axis being up-down. Usually this movement it terminated to a point at the front vertex of the motion, causing the pattern to be more heart-shaped than circular, with the pointy end pointing towards the female. The hands should be moved in rhythm to this motion, with the climax of each sequence being timed at the point. It is very important for the male and female motions to be orthogonal to one another, since this movement is symbolical of copulation, both the circular movement of the female and the heart-shaped movement of the male. To this effect, the distance between the male and female is largely varying depending on style, but the most common style used is where the circular motion of the male’s movement is tangential to the plane defined by the female’s circular movement. For a more intimate style, the partners should move closer so that the two motions intersect. This style should only be used when partnering with a significant other, or when flirting with a willing partner with the intention of taking it upstairs; in all other cases, it is considered bad form. For a unique effect, one or both of the motion planes should be angled such that the line of intersection is not necessarily parallel to the ground. Another important point to note here is that at NO time should the male’s pattern of motion be totally separate, that is, without any intersection points, from the female’s motion. It is the male’s role to make sure that this does not happen, since such as a style of grinding is known to symbolize impotence on the male’s part.

2 Responses to “Grinding for N00Bs”


  1. 1 The Bloon Blade

    It’s pretty awesome that this guy manages to suck the fun out of anything and replace it with like….calculus. Congratulations, junkslut, you’ve spoiled life! :)

  2. 2 Sigg3

    Grinding is art.
    Art is grinding.
    Then there’s the sexual content.
    Alas, grinding is complex.

    Meditate and thou shalt be enlightened.
    The Buddha of grinding is movement. Circular, hip-thrusting movement.
    Outside grinding, there is no void.

    …That’s it! No more coffee today.

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