Author Archive for The Bloon Blade Page 2 of 19



Knocked Up

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Title: Knocked Up
Genre (Movie): Comedy
Description: A loser with no life gets a hottie with a successful life pregnant, and they endure all the difficulties that follow.
Rating: ★★★★½

I’m always loathe to review comedies. I’ve never really written a review for a great comedy like 40 Year Old Virgin, Anchorman, or any other movies like that because generally I think either you’re going to appreciate the humor or you’re not, and a review won’t really help you in that case. But after seeing Knocked Up a grand total of 30 minutes ago, I figured that this was such a different kind of comedy that it deserved some praise.
So here I go.

Knocked Up is about the worst thing that could happen to someone becoming the best thing ever. A pothead with no job and no income gets a successful, attractive interviewer from E! pregnant from a drunken one-night stand. Each person in this couple comes from a strange background, whether it’s a psychotic sister or a friend who is involved in a bet not to shave for an entire year. The interesting thing about the pregnancy involves not only its effect on the two main characters, but its effect on those immediately concerned with said characters–and, in some cases, those very far removed from the characters, too.

This is the funniest movie I’ve seen in years. I laughed out loud quite often in the movie, and that’s not something I usually do. There is both a plethora of one-liners and a great chain of event-related comedy. The characters are a riot–but no actor really steps out of his or her usual shell. Paul Rudd is his usual loveable-dick self, Leslie Mann is anal retentive, and Seth Rogen is a pothead. Not much exploration of options. But they do their stuff, and they do it well.

What really surprised me were the values this movie exemplifies. Sneakily enough, Apatow hid a very rare, yet important moral inside the raunchy film 40 Year Old Virgin: you shouldn’t have sex until you’re ready to. That’s a damn good piece of advice that nobody hears anymore. Similarly, Knocked Up is a tale about responsibility, love, care, optimism, and family values. Yes, there are tits and sex in this movie. Yes, the f-bomb is dropped often and explicitly. But past the R rating are some bonafide Sesame Street morales.

Knocked Up is a sweet movie to see with your date. Knocked Up is a disgustingly hilarious movie to see with friends. Knocked Up may even be–dare I say it?–a good movie to see with your parents, for although there might be two or three short scenes that could get a little awkward, after the movie, your parents will look at you and smile, because they know that next time, you’ll be wearing your goddamned condom.

“Oh yeah? Well you look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother…Gaybe Ruth.”

Motivation

The way I see it, when a Daily Bloon such as this one has 4 authorized writers and only 2 of them ever do any writing, there’s something wrong.
So tell us, Bloon Blade, how will you right this wrong?

I won’t. I’ll just post pictures of our dear, funny-looking MicroBloon.

He was wearing these funny glasses. Yet his expression was so serious. Ah, the contrast!

You decide–is he more sinister looking with or without the moustache?

He’s got some kind of itch on his ear. Poor thing.

This isn’t actually a picture of Aneesh. I just went to the zoo one time and thought it was awesome when the lady was taking the anteater out on a walk.

Google Searches Galore

Inspired by the infamous firstmost result when the word ‘failure’ is searched on Google (although recently dismantled), I decided to find some of my own little ironies on the world’s biggest search engine.

Search: ‘jesus’. 3rd Result: Hollywood Jesus Dressup

Search: ‘booger’. 4th Result: Uncle Booger’s Bumper Dumper. (”The most comfortable and sanitary portable toilet in the world”)

Search: ‘retard’. 2nd Result: Indescribable. (I’ve seen it before, but it’s still effing hilarious. Turn your volume down a little.)

Any other interesting search hits? Comment away.

….um?

A site named “Stuff On My Cat” that features pictures of cats with stuff on them.

Some of my favorites that I’ve seen.

I would make some wise-ass comment about the people who take these kind of pictures having far too much free time, but hey, here I am looking at them. Who am I to talk?

The rest of Stuff On My Cat.

I’m just waiting for this to be an SAT essay topic.

Whenever I am asked the question, in one form or another, “If you could meet/interview/talk with any person in history, who would it be and why?” I have one answer that I love to give.

The person I want to meet the most, out of all the politicians, world leaders, assassins, geniuses, and philanthropists, the person I would most like to meet is the first person who decided that drinking cow milk would be a good idea.

Honestly. Think about it. Who was the first person who looked at a pair of cow udders and thought to him (or her) self,
Damn, I bet whatever liquid comes out of those when I squeeze them is damn TASTY.
There’s lots of weird stuff that we eat, but cow milk has to be one of the strangest ones that’s had the most staying power in world history. Even though we’ve been feeding our own kids with milk , drinking another animal’s milk can’t seem like a bright idea. Besides, I’m sure whoever first grabbed hold of those fleshy pink tubes had NO clue what would come out. And if they had tried any other creatures’ milk first (goat milk, anyone?) they would have been severly discouraged.

Continue reading ‘I’m just waiting for this to be an SAT essay topic.’




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