This has to be the best joke i’ve seen in a long, long time!
BloonChick
A man received a letter from his mother who is ninety-one years old and still
drives her own car…She writes:
Dear Son,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a “Honk
If you Love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I’m glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
Continue reading ‘Honk if you love Jesus!’
And I am feeling very GAY while I am wearing my THONGS.
People people people. This is normal language! Well it was a few years ago… But NIE! Now’a'days if you say these things you shalt be dissed to no end, PWNED till you cannot be PWNED anymore… For these things are no-man land… Lets see if we can get some definitions going shall we:
puss·y (pʊs’ē) pronunciation
n., pl. -ies.
ORIGIONAL ->
1. A cat.
MODERN DAY ->
1. Vulgar Slang.
1. The vulva.
2. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
2. Offensive Slang. Used as a disparaging term for a woman.
3. Slang. A man regarded as weak, timid, or unmanly.
Continue reading ‘There is a PUSSY in that tree…’
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little
dog. Bites
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky
neighbor’s dog.
FREE PUPPIES… Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat … been out a
while..better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call
Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia
Britannica. 45 volumes.Excellent condition. $1,000 or
best offer. No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything
After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and
he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing
on he curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver,” Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive
at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my
job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
“Who’s going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for
you,” says the Pope with a smile.
Continue reading ‘Is that you, God?’
I sure do! Expecially that fat guy that talks during the whole movie… And that little brat who decides its dinner time. Who doesn’t like the two teenage chicks who answer their cell phones 8 times during one flick?
You know, from now on when you are buying tickets there should be some type of headline such as: “The Fantastic Four: Now showing on 4 screens, 2 for idiots and 2 for normal people.” It might improve sales… Who knows.
But speaking of the Fantastic Four. Its well, fantastic! In many minute ways. In every other way it sucks. Now, if your looking for a quick flick that involves fire, action, hot chix, and a crappy storyline this movie is so for you. Of course it has some very good catch lines but those simply couldn’t hold the movie on its own. Its only something to keep you interested for a hour or two during your already boring day… But if you are looking for a movie which involves you laughing, you quoting lines weeks afterwards, and most of all you watching lots of adult scenes… Wedding Crashers is the perfect movie for ya! Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn pull off this fast paced comedy perfectly… With their charm, smoothness and love for the opposite sex they could easily hold this movie with just their crazy antics but no! The director, David Dobkin, decided that as well as showing the coolest actor in this side of the universe (Owen of course) he would put in a awesome plot that simply made you leaving the theatre swearing to keep tabs on any wedding guests that show up to your wedding… If you have one. If not… Maybe you will be the next in their legacy?