2005 April archive at The Daily Bloon

Archive for April, 2005 Page 2 of 4

Senior Dress Code

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3 years, 6 months ago in Bloon.Daily. 1 Comment Share This

Many of us “Old Folks” (those over 50, WAY over 50 or on the way to 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We’re unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist
11. Bikinis and liver spots
12. Short shorts and varicose veins
13. Inline skates and a walker

And the ultimate “Bad Taste” in fashion for the “Older Folks”
14. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

BloonChick’s comment on the matter:

Damn. I guess i have to take back the thong I got for my Granny…

Mmm….Fresh Propoganda.

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The Bloon Blade

3 years, 6 months ago in Bloon.Daily. 7 Comments Share This

Behold, the wondrous cleansing effects of Christian brainwashing. Read the 4kidz section, led by Lambuel. Learn how to safely act if you find an athiest. Learn the truth about dinosaurs. And, when you’re done with that, check out the “Kid’s Artwork” section. Look at the drawings and captions, and make sure to take note of the ages of these kids. It’s really scary.

After that, you can look in the adult section, especially the “Mall Missions” and “Halloween Reclamation”. Boy, I never knew Santa Claus was evil…

“Bah! I don’t believe in anything! I’m staying home on Sunday!”–Mr. Gruff

LIFE LONG LESSON:

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BloonChick

3 years, 6 months ago in Bloon.Daily. 8 Comments Share This

Good hair will get you far in life…Except in Donald Trump’s case, he’s rich but has bad hair.

Got that from a friend. ::laughs::

DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

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BloonChick

3 years, 6 months ago in Bloon.Daily. 2 Comments Share This

Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.”

“Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”

When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled,

“Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”

To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

Law System

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The Bloon Blade

3 years, 7 months ago in Bloon.Daily. 3 Comments Share This

Lately, due to a small scuffle of ideas, it has been brought to my attention that our law system is highly flawed. Why? Because it hinges on two very dishonest and uneven things: lawyers and the word of the common man.
Addressing issue 1 first:

Don’t get me wrong, I know lawyers are necessary. And it’s just because it’s everyday knowledge that lawyers are also evil. It’s because the law system doesn’t even need to exist; all lawyers have to do is twist and mold the case to their better interests. Read: A good lawyer can win anything. For example, the McDonald’s cases, where two people who ate at McDonald’s every day and were extremely overweight sued McDonald’s because it made them fat. Now, in and of itself, it is a ridiculous lawsuit. The people had the power to stop. A crack addict may as well sue his provider if this was the issue. But their lawyer, who was already researching this kind of thing and who definitely knew what he was doing, shifted the focus to something else: McDonald’s argument that there is no reason their food cannot be part of a healthy diet. This, as we know, is 100% false. This is also the basis of the movie Super Size Me, which I will review as soon as we finish it in class. But that was not what the original lawsuit was about, or, better put, the original intentions of the two women who sued McDonald’s. Their lawyer perverted their case into something completely different, which they were then able to win (a make quite a pretty penny on). In short, a person can be doing something completely legal, yet still be sued for it, and, if the opposing lawyer is good, lose the case (and, subsequently, lose several thosuand dollars.)

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